To Maggie...

My son....

He wakes up early every morning,
That's when his body tells him to.
Morning is his best chance to piddle on the computer
With no interruptions.

When he sees me getting up,
He smiles and turns off the computer
And immediately asks me how I've slept.
"Good" I say, "And you?"
"Oh I slept great." he says, his voice lower as he's grown,
But soft just the same.

His gentle spirit moves forward through every day,
Doing everything he can to stay comfortable.
He makes sure he smiles at the appropriate times,
He's observed the rest of the kids his age well.
Any other child might have lost himself in this process,
But not him.
Through it all, he has stayed himself.
His wise, experienced spirit has stayed strong.

His wheels turn in ways that only he can understand.
I've begged him to teach me...
To show me what he knows in there.
It must be so beautiful.
One day, he will...
And I will be amazed,
As I always am,
As I always have been
When it comes to him.

Growing Wings...

"You know where you are with floor collapsing, floating, bouncing back. And one day I am going to grow wings, a chemical reaction. Hysterical and useless, hysterical and let down..." ~Radiohead

The gift of a seven year old boy...

When he came out of the pool, treasure in his hand, he was absolutely beaming. The cold, slimy creature sat limp in his hand, the middle of the tiny body pulsating indicating a heart beat...

For hours he touched it, poked it, tried to make it jump. But the tiny frog was somehow content just to stay in his hand. A baby, once stuck in a whirling pool of water, sure to die, my son gently placed this small creature in a bed of flowers. It was at that point that he finally took a tiny leap. But tiny as it was, it made my son feel like a hero...

A bit about me...

I'm quirky.
I'm sensitive.
My favorite season is Spring when it's winter, Winter when it's fall, and Fall when its summer.
I listen to music all the time.
I dance in my kitchen when I cook.
I like to cook. I could eat pasta every day. I love picnics.
I don't eat mammals or birds...anymore.
I'm learning how to garden. I want to grow veggies and pretty flowers.
I love baths...and get the water as hot as I can stand it. So hot in fact that it sometimes makes my heart beat really fast and I have to lay down after my bath until it slows down.
I love wine, dry...red or white, no matter.
My laughter is loud and perhaps obnoxious.
I hate to buy cards. I don't like reading someone else's words and trying to pass it off as my own. I'd much rather write my own card...and I often do.
I like to pack for a trip with my family, but absolutely hate to unpack.
I cry easily. Whether happy tears or sad.
I believe in a higher spirit but sometimes prefer to not really give Him/Her a name because doing so seems limiting. However, when a name is necessary, I usually say "God".
Sometimes, I obcess over cleaning and sometimes I'm perfectly content with mess.
I love to take pictures, capture moments, be present.
I'm a good friend, and I can be a best friend for the rest of my life.
I enjoy solitude, however I love having a houseful of people.
I have 3 kids and a husband...they are my life, my reason for pushing on, my light, my everything...
Call it vanity...but I really love it when my husband tells me I'm beautiful.

"This was a scene worth waking up for when I woke up..."~ Jack Johnson

Your voice is adrift
I can't expect it to sing to me
As if I was the only one

I'll follow you
The leaf that's following the sun
When will my weight be too much for you?
When will these ideas really be my own?
Cause this moment keeps on moving
We were never meant to hold on

This was a scene worth waking up for
When I woke up
You planted me in my own body
Don't know why
But somehow it just feels so wrong
When you're sad I will be lonely
But when you rise again I'll become the sun
I will shine down upon you
As if you were the only one

Your voice is your own, I can't protect it
You'll have to sing
A verse no one has ever known

Don't be afraid
Cause no one ever sings alone
Your way will never be too much for me
Your ideas have always been your own
And this moment keeps on moving
We were never meant to hold on....
~Jack Johnson

These are days...

These are days you'll remember.
Never before and never since, I promise,
Will the whole world be warm as this.
And as you feel it,
You'll know it's true that you are blessed and lucky.
It's true that you are touched be something
That will grow and bloom in you.

These are days you'll remember.
When May is rushing over you with desire
To be part of the miracles you see in every hour.
You'll know it's true that you are blessed and lucky
It's true that you are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you.

These are days
These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break
These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way
Across your face
And when you do
Then you'll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning.
It's true
Then you'll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know their speaking to you
To you....
~10,000 Maniacs

Thinking of Spring

I'm sitting here, looking out my window, and all I see is white. As a child, I loved the snow. I loved playing in it, snowball fights, curling up with a blanket eating something delicious my Mother baked up, and watching the weather reports praying for even more snow in hopes that our school would call a snow day. Now that I'm an adult...I can barely stand to touch the stuff. I hate being cold, driving on ice, pushing my way through the grocery store in a mass of panicked neighbors after the rumor of a blizzard. Ick...

In southern Ohio, I sit here scrolling through pictures I took last April. One of the many perks of being not-too-shabby with a camera is having ample pictures to take you to any time or place you want to go. Wanna go to Italy? Pull out the album of the family vacation in Tuscany. Want to remember? Bring out that picture and get lost...

Today, I'm thinking of Spring. I want green grass right now so bad I can almost hear the lawn mower purring. I want to hear birds. I want to eat dinner on my back deck with friends... listen to music... drink wine. I want to plant flowers even though my gardening skills leave much to be desired. I want to take my camera outside and capture my children playing in the dirt, catching worms and picking dandelions.

But for right now, I'll settle for this picture...and know that Spring IS in fact on its way...

Leaning...

We've been together for 18yrs, married for 13. Yes, when we first met, we were kids. At 17, we gushed over the movie "Ghost" and made Unchained Melody 'our song'. We were inseparable from our first date onward. He was on the basketball team, I the caption of the cheerleading squad (cliche, I know...but true). We fit the stereotypical American persona of young love. Then (as it usually happens I guess) life was thrown into fast forward. Before we knew it we graduated high school, Brian did 4 years of college, we got married, had 3 children, and were living abroad. And as the children grow...life seems to get even faster by the second.

But in the course of this time together, we have leaned on each other. While being abroad without our parents and siblings...we leaned on each other. And now that we've been back nearly 1 1/2 years we find we are still daily trying to morph back into our home country...still leaning.

This past year has been a particular difficult one for us. 2009 brought with it the death of 2 beautiful grandmothers, our oldest child entering Jr. High, a questionable economy, and other issues far too deep and personal to mention in a blog. Let's just say that at one point, we forgot to lean. It happens from time to time to all couples, I suppose. I mean, we can't all live up to Prince Charming and Cinderella. Especially when dealing with homework assignments, jobs, housework, sports practices, coughs, fevers, and a preteen entering puberty. You get lost...it happens...

Recently, Brian and I have been blessed enough to see this shift and see it for what it's worth...an opportunity to learn. We shine the light on each other, supporting each other in our new journeys (my photography and recent vegetarianism, and Brian's amazing weight loss just to name a couple). And here's the best part, we've discovered a little bit about how to stand strong filling up our own cups yet leaning on each other at the same time. We may not always choose when shifts happen...but we can definitely control where the shift leads us. You can choose to learn from it, master it, and yes, rejoice in it even if at first it brought you both to your knees.

After 18yrs, we still hold hands. We explore new ideas. We talk, play, and laugh with our children. And at the end of the day, we eat our dinner, talk and read with the kids, kiss them goodnight, grab a blanket and a glass of wine and sit on the sofa. He puts his feet up and his arm around me and I curl in. It's my favorite time of day.

I love this man with my whole heart. I am so grateful for all we've been through, the good and the not so good. I can truly say, there's no one else I'd rather be leaning with...

On Point, Jude style....

I know I've said before that Jude is carefree. Have I mentioned he's fearless? Observe, no helmet (that's my fault), no knee pads (also my fault), on his tip-toes, ON WHEELS! He no sooner thinks it, and its done. How I wish I could tap into his method of self confidence. And by the way, he didn't even fall down...he stepped off of the skateboard like a pro. That's my boy.

Sushi, Baby!

When I grow up...I wanna be just like my kids.

Lili, when I grow up...I want to be spontaneous, carefree, witty, and bold...just like you!

Christopher, when I grow up...I want to be careful, cautious, honest, and observant...just like you!

Jude, when I grow up...I wanna be silly, curious, sweet, and persistent...just like you!

~Mommy

Babies

Babies have a way of stopping us in our tracks. The most hardened individual can't even resist pure bliss of "baby smell"! This particular baby is honestly one of the most beautiful spirits I've met. His smile is intoxicating...he lights up a room.

Hold on Tight

As I sat down, wrapped my arms around you, and prepared for the plunge...I was suddenly reminded of a time when you were small. Your hands held on to me, excited..but slightly afraid. I told you it'd be fun, that you'd love it. And you did. Your long blond hair flew in my face as we raced down the snowy hill. You giggled the whole way down. And when we reached the bottom, I knew what you'd say next, "Can we do it again, Mommy?"

Today, you're older...practically a teenager. You walked up that hill and I couldn't believe my eyes...so much like a young lady, not a little girl anymore. This time, I wrapped my arms around you, held on tight,and together we plunged downhill and laughed out loud. I couldn't help but think about how that ride was so similar to the way you live life, Lili. So free, so fun, just loving the ride...

And the more you grow, I'm aware I hold on a bit too tightly sometimes. But I love the way you love the fun. I hope you never stop loving the ride. I love you. ~Mommy

Rise Up

Such is the way of the world
You can never know
Just where to put all your faith
And how will it grow

Gonna rise up
Burning back holes in dark memories
Gonna rise up
Turning mistakes into gold

Such is the passage of time
Too fast to fold
And suddenly swallowed by signs
Low and behold

Gonna rise up
Find my direction magnetically
Gonna rise up
Throw down my ace in the hole

~Eddie Vedder

Hurricane Lili

This girl holds the ability to set a room on fire with her light.In her 12 1/2 years of life, Lili has seen many things, been to many places, made many beautiful friends, and said many heart breaking good-byes...and all the while, she's been growing. In the past year, our family has moved back to our home country and tried to blend back into our old lives. This was Lili's 4th school in 7 years. Now that she has officially entered Jr.High, there seems to be a premature pressure among the other kids to hurry up and figure out who you're gonna be. But Lili...she goes with the flow, experiencing everything. She has a side to her that does care what others think of her-but that thought is usually snuffed out soon enough when she gets the desire to make people laugh. Her energy can be contagious. She's witty. She's quick with the comments. She's animated. She makes me smile. She's exactly the kind of person I would have wanted as a best friend in the 7th grade. I am so proud of her and how far she's come.

Having said that, I am also proud of the fact that I KNOW my daughter...I mean really know her. I know exactly what she is capable of. It can easily be predicted that she will be unpredictable. And it can be safely assumed that absolutely anything is liable to come out of her mouth at any given time...anything. And although I sometimes say that I wish I had a crystal ball to show me what she's about to pull next...I really wouldn't want it any other way. I mean really, what else can you expect from a girl that was named after a hurricane.

Reflections of Christopher

I have often said that Christopher's soul has lived many lives before entering his body. At times his spirit seems much more like an 80 year old than an 10 year old. While I'm sure most parents have at times felt that our children have taught us more than we've taught them, I could write a book on the things I've learned from each one of my kids.

Christopher came with a lesson plan that was unexpected, at times frustrating, but completely enlightening. All his life, he's been set in his ways. Intolerant of loudness, insisting on a schedule, avoiding the uncomfortable, craving predictability. While some are terrified of being alone, for Christopher the solitude is like a warm blanket. The silence, for him, offers a peacefulness that I'm not even sure if I've had the pleasure of knowing in my own life. In short, this kid is brilliant...wise beyond his years. His eccentrics can be entertaining. (I mean, have you SEEN this kid draw?) And sure, he's liable to start up table conversation with random topics like, "Ok, who here wears socks to bed? Show of hands..." He brings a smile to everyone who knows him well.

Having said that, yes...he does enjoy a good jab at his older sister or poke at his younger brother. And yes, he has been known to provoke his siblings until they are wound to complete fury-then walk away smiling...I mean come on, he IS ten after all.

My definition of a perfect Sunday

Find tongues in trees,
books in the running brooks,
sermons in stone
and good in everything.
~William Shakespeare

Ripples in the water

"Its a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll" ~AC/DC

Why quote AC/DC when I post a picture of my 6 year old son playing his new guitar?? Well, let me explain...

Jude has decided, after watching the movie School of Rock (starring Jack Black) that he now wants to play for a rock-n-roll band. He wears his hair longer than most of the boys his age, and everyone who has met my son knows...he has a spark in him. He's spunky, he's witty, he's unique, he's curious, and above all...he's persistent! He wonders around the house with this guitar strapped over his shoulders playing "music" and feels special. Usually, his songs consist of one note...but he owns it! Being a lover of music myself, I was thrilled to see that he had taken a shine to the guitar! And there's no sound more beautiful than to hear him shredding out a face melting solo and proudly proclaiming, "I'm so good at this!" I love this kid! And yes Jude...you ROCK!!